Fallen Past, Risen Future - Past Fallen, Future Risen
by Stitchious
Summary: Our past can define who we are, but the future defines who we will become, even a past that is rocky at best can lead to a future made of dreams. Not much is known of Tara's past so heres my take on what it might have entailed and how she became the quirky woman we all know and love. Tara/Bobby. Rated T for mentions of domestic violence
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Ok so this is slightly graphic and deals with sensitive materials in the mentioning of domestic violence. Its not a subject that is taken lightly and I would urge anyone who is suffering domestic violence to speak out and get support, its not easy for children to live with domestic violence and its not as easy as people might think to leave an abusive partner. To those who are suffering you are not alone.

Song is Fallen by Sarah McLachan and it seemed to fit the mood of what I was writing its a song of falling and getting up again, of never giving up no matter what.

_Heaven bent to take my hand_

_And lead me through the Fire_

_Be the long awaited answer _

_To a long and painful fight_

_Truth be told I've tried my best_

_But somewhere along the way_

_I got caught up in all there was to offer_

_And the cost was so much more than I could bear_

As she stared out of the window at the rain pouring down, she couldn't help the sigh that escaped her lips. Of course it was raining, she loved the rain, rain was for dancing, but she was stuck inside. She couldn't go out even if she wanted to, being 8 months pregnant and on bed rest sucked. Her baby would be worth it though, every single boring moment of it. It was she supposed what came of having a high stress job, being an FBI agent was no picnic but she loved her job and every difficult, dangerous moment that went with it. She had proven over and over that she could handle herself in field, that she was one of the boys as it were. Still knowing that her team trusted her, quirkiness and all, didnt exactly help her right now. She wanted to go out in the rain dammit she wanted to put the music on high and go out and dance in the rain. She was whining she knew that but she had been alone all day and well being alone did things to you. She laughed inwardly at that, she really was losing it. With a sigh she turned back to her laptop, she was working on a case for the team, doing only the as they put it 'techie' stuff they couldn't do. In all honesty she was so bored she would trade places with a dancing monkey right now, or just a monkey, hell she wasnt picky, it wasnt the work that was boring her perse just that she missed the banter and interaction she was used when doing said work. Working from home was gonna be the bane of her existence. She shifted again, getting comfortable and sighed as she felt the familiar pressure on her bladder, flamin typical she'd just got comfortable and now she had to move...again. She slowly lifted herself off the couch and waddled into the bathroom, on exiting the bathroom she lifted the faded grey hoodie off the hook of the door. Smiling softly she thanked the gods that the owner of said hoodie had broad shoulders, making it possible for her to still wear said hoodie. She pulled it over her head and inhaled the scent that used to haunt her dreams. The letters on the front of the hoodie proclaimed QUANTICO, faded but still there none the less. She had to smile at what she knew was his name on the back, a name she would take one day if he had his way. It was stubbornness on her part she knew, but her childhood had taught her that marriage was not a venture worthwhile embarking on. It had destroyed her parents and left her alone in the world.

_Though I've tried, I've fallen_

_I have sunk so low_

_I've messed up better_

_I should know_

_So don't come 'round here_

_And tell me I told you so_

**_-Flashback-_**

_We all begin with good intent_

_Love was raw and young_

_We believed that we could change ourselves_

_The past can be undone_

She sat at the top of the stairs, knees pulled up to her chest, tiny arms hugging them to her body tight. They were screaming again, soon the crashing would start again. Oh she hated it so much when the crashing started. Last time there was crashing, she had woken up to find mommy had a bruise on her eye and was walking funny. It never used to be like this, mommy and daddy never used to scream like this at each other. Mommy had said that they were gonna have a big party, a celerbration cos mommy and daddy loved each other lots and then they wouldn't shout at each other any more. Mommy was right in a way they didn't shout anymore, now they just screamed and crashed things. She tried to block it out, her hands lifted to her ears and she pressed hard hoping it would stop her hearing it, it worked until the crashing started. She bit her lip hard, so she wouldn't cry. She couldn't make a noise, daddy didn't like it when she heard them screaming and crashing, last time he had smacked her hard cos she was meants to be in bed asleep. Tears under control she turned her attention back to her parents, and frowned, it was quiet too quiet, mommy was whispering, why was mommy whispering. She stood carefully and started to make her way down the stairs when there was a loud bang, she startled and slipped down a step or two, she was almost at the bottom when there was another loud bang. She slipped over the last step and froze, that was a very loud noise and now it was very quiet. She stood there frozen for a time until she decided she needed to check on mommy. She moved quickly to daddys study and paused at the door daddy had smacked her last time she went in his study, but mommy was in there and they weren't screaming any more and she was scared.

_But we carry on our backs the burden time always reveals_

_In the lonely light of morning_

_In the wound that would not heal_

_It's the bitter taste of losing everything, I've held so dear_

  
The door opened slowly and she peeked round it cautiously. Her eyes widened in horror at the scene in front of her, it was a scene no child should ever have to see and it would shape the rest of her life in many ways. She ran to over to her mommy and fell to her knees beside her. Mommy wasn't moving and there was lots of sticky blood by her, she shook her and shook her but she still wasn't moving, she called her and shouted for her but still mommy didn't move. Looking over at her daddy she saw he also was lay by a pool of sticky blood. The room smelt funny, it never smelt like that before, she ran to her daddy and tried to shake him but he wasn't moving either and her body racked with sobs, she was trying to hold in. Why wouldn't mommy and daddy wake up, what had mommy told her if anything bad happened, she had to call a number on a phone. She ran to the phone and thought for a moment, mommy said call 911 and so with shaking fingers she did.

**_-End of Flashback-_**

A/N2: Ok so I was nervous about posting this so hit the button and let me know what you think :)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This is the last of what I have prewritten, updates might get sketchy here on out as I also have two other stories that I was working on when the plot bunny struck for this one, enjoy :)

Tara shook her head to clear her it, that had been a long time ago twenty years to be precise. The logical part of her knew that in reality her parents had never been happy together, they had fought and argued until that night when her dad had decided that enough was enough and shot her mom before turning the gun on himself. She had waited by her mothers dead body for the paramedics to arrive. She had been five years old and had never felt so alone. After that she went through a series of foster homes, not many people want to adopt a five year old. Everyone wants the babies that they can easily pass off as their own, its hard to pass off the sudden appearance of a five year old as your own child. She still had the shoe she used to keep track of how many homes she had been in, there had been ten in total, including her last home. She had been ten when she had moved to her last home and that was the home were Tara Jacobs became Tara Williams At the Williams house she had found a new family, unlike the the other homes she had been in, the Williams' had welcomed her into their family and she had flourished under the love she had received while in their care. She had been there for a year when they had adopted her and made her one of their own, she gained not only two loving parents but also 4 brothers and a sister. Her brothers Jason, Simon and Chris were older than her while Tommy was younger and her baby sister Sophie was the youngest of them all. To her blood didn't matter and it didn't make a family, she and her siblings were all very close to each other and their parents. The first five years before she had been placed and accepted into their family had been hard she had been in four homes in as many years, she just didn't fit in, she wasn't girly enough, she was hard to keep occupied and in some the discipline used was unreasonable and she got moved when it was discovered.

She moved off the couch and made her way into the nursery she and Bobby had set up, she smiled as she took in the pale yellows and greens of the room, the gender of their child would be a surprise, they had both decided that they wanted to wait. She lowered herself into the rocking chair that her mother and father had bought round, the same rocking chair that had been used when she had been a child scared of the shadows at night, snuggled in close in her fathers embrace as he rocked them and calmed her tears when she had suffered nightmares, a residual effect of finding her birth parents dead. She thought back on it all and of what she and Bobby shared. They had a rocky start what with him telling her he still loved Darcy after kissing her, she had hidden her hurt well at the time and in the resulting weeks and months that followed until one day when she had been having lunch with her mom and the mask had fell. She had poured her heart out to her mom and wept on her shoulder. Her mom had comforted her and then asked if it was the same young man with which she spent a fair amount of time with, and if yes then if he truly loved this Darcy why had he not gone with her. All great loves she had told her started off as friendship and were not gained easily, one had to work for love and be patient. Tara smiled, several weeks later Bobby had admitted to her that although he had loved Darcy it had been more the idea of Darcy than woman herself and that he had felt more guilt than love for her after the kiss they had shared as he had felt like he had cheated on her. That night they had watched old movies and snuggled on the couch, they had taken things slowly and their relationship had grew, building from the foundation their friendship had provided, which had been strengthened in the months leading up to his confession that night, it had been difficult at first to juggle personal and professional and their had been arguments which had resulted in screaming matches because one or the other had put themselves in danger, these had resolved when both had calmed enough to see the others point of view. An agreement was made that in order to be effective as a team they needed to trust the judgements made and talk it through after calmly.

The agreement they made was all good and well until Bobby made a decision to endanger his own life to save the life of a child, and while she had been all for saving the child, she had not liked the extent he had gone to in order to do so. She thought of the case which had occurred not six months ago.

_Flashback_

They had stood outside the warehouse waiting for a way to get in and get little Jessica Watts aged five, who was being held for ransom out and safely back to her worried parents. Bobby had gone round the back and had found a way in but it was risky, from the communications van Tara and Sue sat listening to the conversation being held by Bobby and Jack. Tara held her breath as Bobby entered the warehouse without backup, the kidnapper had left jessica in the room bound only by her wrists on her own. Bobby had gone in through the open window and located her with relative ease and they were breathing a sigh of relief when Bobby hoisted the girl carefully out of the low window, when the shots sounded.

Chaos broke out with Jack racing into the building, Myles grabbing the girl and getting her out of harms way and in the midst of it all Tara sat frozen in her seat, time seemed to slow down, she could hear Sue asking her what had happened but she couldn't move, she was almost to afraid to call out to SAM31 to check in, fearing the worst as he had been silent. In the end it was Jack who came across the radio checking in for them both, "SAM36 to SAM 1, SAM31 is going to be fine, just a graze on the shoulder". Her breathing had returned to normal and time seemed to speed up again, she had one clear thought as he walked out of the warehouse, she was going to kill him for pulling a stunt like that, the kidnapper, they later identified him as Daniel Forpes had been killed.

He was being seen by the paramedics when she walked up to him, the first indication that she was riled up was the clenched fists she held tightly at her sides. Jack had taken one look at her stance another at the expression on her face and walked away to let his friends talk. The team had been aware of their relationship for months and were supportive of them. She had seen the sympathetic look that Jack had shot Bobby as he walked and tried to calm herself, it worked till she looked at him and saw the graze from the bullet that the EMT was cleaning up. She waited silently till the EMT had finished and then the pair of them had walked off a distance to talk, not that it had mattered, the team would still have heard them, even if Tara hadn't left her mic on.

She looked at him and took a deep breathe, reminding herself that he was in fact alive and she was relatively calm until he spoke.

"Luv I'm sorry, he surprised me, but I'm fine and I'm here so lets forget it and go home, its not a big deal" she'd watched recognition flash in his eyes that he'd said the wrong thing as her temper kicked in, "Not a big deal, not a big deal _Crash_, you went in without backup, and you got shot at, not a big deal, you could have been killed" she was so worked up she was ranting, "you think its not a big deal and we should forget about it, forget about how our _child_ could have grown up without a father because of your decision..." he was looking at her funny now and he had tears in his eyes and then her brain registered what she had said, as he stepped close and put one hand on her cheek and one on her stomach which was still flat, not yet showing signs of the life held within.

The awe on his face said it all, "A baby, you and me, Luv when did you find out?" his words were a mere whisper.

_End of Flashback_


End file.
